trigger but this'll probably get deleted

i was gonna take a break for a couple of days
but sitting at home, looking out the window, what else do i have?
i rerealized something today

i don't matter
the world is better off without me- my "friends"- none of them need or want me
my future? it'll be bleak. the people i'm concerned about would all be better off, they'll find someone else and it'll be someone they deserve
the world doesn't care about me, why should i care about myself?

i'm a wounded animal
i've been wounded all my life, i've fought all my life, i've clawed my way to survival, bleeding and torn, injured and enraged
i lie here with my eyes twitching and i've lost sight of everything. i have no energy left, i have no shred of will left, no hope, no dignity, i'm a tired, scared, bloodied animal

now i hope a hunter comes and swiftly places the final bullet in me, because i don't have the energy to run from him nor do i have the energy to fight him, i will lie here on the ground like the dying thing i am. this pack is broken, defeated, and none

the care has escaped me and when the hunter comes i wont cry, i'll accept it and it'll be the cold end i deserve, few mourners will mourn me before my body is gone, my memory faded, the world will turn without me, my impact in life is so minimal, like a footprint in the sand, i'll be washed away