Quote:
Originally Posted by Kryslo
Really just a curiosity...I know in times of my life, I almost wished I could be pregnant. Like whenever my bf and I break up, especially. Mostly so I could still, in some way, keep a piece of him. And I imagine how difficult a life that would be to raise a child as I am, but at times I kinda long to just be a mother. Have that as my career, you know?
And I just wondered if anyone else felt the same. Is this a normal expression from someone with BPD, or is this just me?
|
I was diagnosed with BPD and schizoeffective disorder 15 years ago. I had my son 8 months before I was diagnosed. I was also a single mother and 21. It was terrifying. I was a terrible candidate for parenthood. I was extremely violent, irrational and had hallucinations. I was hospitalised many times over the years. All i knew was that I would hurt myself before I hurt my son and put many things in place to restrain myself if need be. I would usually feel strange before an "episode" so I had time to make sure my son was safe. He was my only reason for living but if I wanted to make his upbringing better than mine I had to get better. Break the cycle. I still struggle with loving and physical affection but I love him desperately and would protect him to the death. Thanks my beautiful boy, you have saved my life.