Hi earthmama, it's ok, the anger that you expressed was good because you got out your feelings, didn't hurt anyone physically, didn't hurt yourself, and now are beginning to reflect on your actions. I must say, I have to relate to what you did. Today as I was cleaning my room by basically sabotoging it, I then perceded to throw out all the journal entries, pictures, notes, etc. worth 12 notebooks full of c*** because I just wanted to forget all the things that have happened in the past. I felt so mad and just wanted to feel "normal" so I tossed everything away. I know that both of us feel better, but the truth is, is that we have just burried our innermost thoughts away into the backs of our minds and have rid them physically. PM me anytime you wish. I'm here for you always through both the good and the bad times. The goal we should search for is intuition. The part where we know better and are able to be in complete control of both our minds and body.
Take care,
~dance59326