Last week when I made a countdown post, I ended up not being able to see T the next day because of the big traffic accident and the road closures.

So now I'm making a risky move and making another countdown post. I was never one to be superstitious, so I'll take the chance.

However, I am scared as hell that I will turn on the traffic report and find out there is a sinkhole the side of Canada in the road and I won't be able to see him.

We had a phone session on that day last week that was so wonderful that afterward, I wasn't the least bit upset about not being able to go to his office. The connection was so strong over the phone, and we covered so much material, that I was really okay with it.

Then I called him on Friday morning and he called back that night while he was stuck in traffic.

He did most of the talking-- for about 15 minutes! He sounded unusually upbeat. I said, "Did you drink coffee? You are extremely hyper today." At the end of the call he said, "You know? I did drink some coffee at the end of the workshop today and I am more verbal than usual tonight!" The man wouldn't let me get a word in!!

Ahhhh I can't wait to see him tomorrow and just be in his presence... just to have that 90 minutes with him is so valuable to me-- it can be such a gentle, quiet time.

I have been really overwhelmed lately because I am working three and a half days per week, sometimes seeing up to seven clients per day. I am in my last three weeks of the semester and the work is getting so demanding and intense that I literally cannot do anything for myself because any minute that I am not studying or doing work is a wasted minute.

"Time heals all wounds" is ********. I miss my dad more every single day and sometimes I feel like I am only living for my work/schooling. I feel like I can't deal with my life without my father. I know I am dealing, but it feels like I am getting punched in the stomach all the time-- there are so many moments in the day in which I feel like it is the first time I am finding out that he is gone. It still doesn't make sense to me. It is so raw. I am not even close to accepting that he is gone, so I am obsessive and in denial about certain things-- like making sure that no one moves anything that he touched-- because he left things a certain way for the last time he touched them... and I don't want anyone messing with his stuff.

There are so many things that have happened in the last three months that my dad would have wanted to know. There is so much I need to tell him, so much we would talk about. He never got to know that Obama won. He would have been so glad. He would have asked me how low the gas prices are in Philly, compared to NY. We would have talked about it. He would have been so proud of me for my work in doctoral school. There is so much that I want to say to him.

Time to put compartmentalize the feelings and study Maslow.