i've skipped my last... 3 sessions. it's a waste to call him. it doesn't matter, i won't recover, he can't heal what's been done, what i've felt, what i've seen, i'm too fractured and incomplete. i'm shattered.

my family deserves someone better. they deserve a real father and not whatever i am.

i feel like a freak, i feel degraded and destroyed. i'm sorry for writing this. i'm sorry for being here. i just can't do this anymore. i can't. it's too painful. there are too many memories. i can't fight it, it surrounds me and consumes me.

there is too much.