I was the opposite with time when Austin died. I had alllllll the bloody time in the world. It still took years. I shut down completely. I was devastated. I nearly joined him. I visited his grave and wanted to dig through to him to be with him and stay there. I lost a lot of time to utter nothing-ness. i was lost and all light was lost to me. Ok so the first 4 years i guess i did count what he had missed. I was grateful he hadn't seen 9-11. But he didn't get to graduate. He didn't see me start therapy or seminary. But for my graduation, i carried a momento of his with me and said his name as i walked across the platform - so he could "live" through me. There are times that I think he is missing things... but times now (more so now than in those first early years) that he is right here with me in my heart. he is apart of me. Grief is just hard. so very hard. His mom, my mom, our friends thought I'd never "snap out of it". They had all gone on. I can't say it doesn't still hurt - i'd be a lier. It brings tears even now to think that on it and know that in 2 weeks he would have been going on 29. At first i was terrified because his voice and features were vacating my memory. I think it is the trauma of loss that does that. But (for me) it came back full force once I got through the nightmare of loss.
((((((((pink. earth))))))))))))