((((((((((((((((((((((((jbug))))))))))))))))))))))) I had this with T for a LONG time. I could look at him while HE was talking, but while I was talking? No WAY. I knew really well what all of his shoes and socks looked like, and I could probably draw the pattern on his rug from memory

I think for me, time was the key. As I started to feel more safe, I was able to look at him more and more- until I got to the point where I could sit and really LOOK into his eyes, kind of searching to see who/what was there.

I think it was fear and shame, like Mouse said. Fear of what I would find if I looked into his eyes, and shame about what I thought he would see if he looked into my eyes. I think as I learned that T actually accepts me AS I AM, I was able to start letting him see me - eyes and all. But it was a process...a slow one.

Unfortunately, I think I'm kind of back to square one with all of that. But I am trying to have faith that I will get there again. You will get there, too.

Therapy is hard.