I haven't been on PC since April. But I am in deep trouble now. I usually post in the PTSD forum, but here's what happened.

My marriage has slowly been going to hell over the past 5 years. It's only been in the last 5 weeks or so that I've been able to articulate to my husband what the problems are. Also, my 17 year old step son just moved in with us.

Well, a couple nights ago, DH got home and started talking about our issues again. Then he started in on his arguing... he's always arguing about whose fault any of this is. I triggered... I've got some major PTSD triggers. So I struggled through dinner and then took refuge in a quiet corner. Well, he came and found me and continued arguing and ranting at me, telling me how I was overreacting and on and on. It came to screaming and yelling before he finally left me alone.

And me, in the middle of a really bad triggery episode and panic attack, I pulled out my knife and regressed. I haven't cut for at least 10 years. I didn't even realize what I was doing until I had several slashes.

I feel so stupid and angry at myself. I thought I was over all this SI stuff. And I'm terrified that it will happen again. I don't know what to do.