My BF's kids are coming over for their first "sleepover" tomorrow night.
I don't have the words to express to you the terror and anxiety I feel right now.
Back story, in case anyone's missed it...I am NOT into kids. Didn't ever want them, don't know what to do with them, have no training or instinct or anything. My mom didn't want the two she had, and I learned her lessons well. Next thing you know, I meet this wonderful man, and something that had been a lifelong deal-breaker morphs into "I want to make this work and I and I want to learn". SO that's what I've been doing.
I'm trying, I'm learning, I'm getting adjusted.

IMSO (In my selfish opinion) things were going well - we've been taking them for one afternoon every other weekend from about 2-8pm. I know that's not enough time for him or them. The kids deserve time with their father. Their father deserves time with them.

Well, last night his XW calls up to arrange the schedule for this weekend, and she's already told the boys that they can spend the night with us. They're really excited and looking forward to it. If he says "no, that's not what we agreed on" it gives her another opportunity to tell the boys that their daddy doesn't want to see them. So he agrees, and I stand behind him. I don't want to come between he and his sons. They need each other.

But six hours is enough to set my nerves on edge. I'm showing marked improvement - Used to be, in the beginning, about half an hour at his place was all I could take. But I'm not ready to be with them for 18 hours!!! Yes, I know they'll be asleep for part of it, but I also know they get up a LOT earlier than I do in the morning, and there's no way I can sleep through a 5 year old and an 8 year old. Not to mention I'm quite the grouch until I come out of the Seroquel fog...I can get away for a couple hours tomorrow night to go to my AA meetings, but then I come home again. Since they'll be asleep (probably on the couch), no TV, no music, Nothing. And I'm going to have to wear pajamas...No smoking, no cussing, no sex stuff, no grown-up TV...

Yes, I know that my issues are selfish. The big picture behind it is that having kids means you give up your life to serve them. Whatever you thought you were going to do is over because the kids have to come first and you will never be free.

I really do want to make this work...They're great kids! Smart and funny and reasonably well behaved (for a pair of young boys). And Jon's such a good father.

I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to this relationship. I just feel like...what he wants and needs in this should come before my discomfort and fear. These are children and they come first. If I want to be with this man, then I need to accept his children too.

I'm just so damned angry and scared. That B**** is messing with MY life, now. She's not just playing with him. It's affecting me. It puts Jon in an ugly place. I puts me in an ugly place, and these two great little guys wind up in the middle.

What can I do to keep myself calm so that this whole overnight thing goes OK? What on earth am I going to do?