Hi Journey,Thanks for your reply. I am really new to this so I'm not sure how to work all this but at least I can figure out how to write my letters. I did look at one of your posts from several months ago. You mentioned you didn't remember things you had done or conversations from just moments before. That seems to be how D feels after he threw the soup. He said he couldn't believe he had done that and didn't really remember. I think I said he had never really been on the right meds. He only saw the psychiatrist 2x before we sent him to the wilderness to try and get him off all the illegal drugs he was doing. I know the counselor thinks he was just manipulating to get a call from us. You see we haven't spoken to him since Oct 21. He is 1000 miles away from us in this program and he never earned his phone privledges. He is now in this new program with a fulltime psychiatrist and will probably be put on Lamictal. He will probably be there for 6 months and we will get to visit. I am so torn because he did something so terrible and I know he needs consequences for that but what if his mood disorder is truly so out of control now he isn't controling it? I know he is desperate and feels he has no love in his troubled life now. I am so brokenhearted about all this I can't stop crying. We had a wonderful life till he hit 8th grade and all the problems started. We were very close and have a wonderful extended family. It breaks my heart to tell my parents all this. My son was so close to them and i know they just don't understand all this. They are older and don't use the computer or understand there are many people with these issues. I never realized it until now myself. I just can't get past this violent thing he did. When you hear about things like school shootings and kids snapping it scares me to death. Like I said he has never been physically violent before. When he first started having problems and described his mind racing that is when he started his drug use to quiet things down. As things progressed he told us he had lost all emotions. He only felt anger. I hope and pray they can help him at this new school. I have to pack up his clothes and send them out today. The holidays will be coming up and i don't know how I can bear it but my husband is very supportive and tells me we have to be strong and trust this program will finally help us find answers ,help him turn his life around and eventually find happiness again. I haven't told my parents the latest bad news about D so I will do that this weekend. Sorry for this long rambling letter. We have had a difficult 2yrs with D in all kinds of trouble but these last few days are just almost unbearable for me. I have a younger son who is 13 and a great kid with no problems so I have to stay strong for him too. I hope I can talk to D on the phone soon. Thank you for your friendship and support. I am here for you too,
Best Wishes
Raisin