I just wanted to say that if you need anybody to talk to, you can talk to me. I am a very good listener and have read a lot of books about this stuff, and I love to help people (sometimes not always a good thing!).

For me, I am finding it hard to make friends that I trust right now. It's hard to think about happy things when my mind is so wrapped up in the things I'm not doing, etc.

I think depression is a part of people who don't love themselves. I have a very hard time loving myself, and I don't know why. Other people seem to like me, but I can always find something wrong with me. Also, I can always find something wrong with somebody else for some reason. I think I do it to keep myself distant (as more like an excuse to keep myself distant). Also, I have a really hard time letting people be who they are. I think I am controlling, and when things don't go exactly how I want them to, I become very anxious and hurt, and when they do go my way, I feel guilty. So, then, I just end up deciding not to make friends because it's too hard. Also, I am a huge perfectionist.

I don't want to take medicine, although I have tried several medications. I really feel like this is a spiritual thing and want to get stronger from the inside out. I think that involves some serious family and self evaluation with a counselor/therapist.