It's weird. I have had these wonderful connected sessions lately and T has been such an awesome model of healthy parenting. I know I am so lucky to have this relationship.

This morning I found myself working through some intense feelings of alone-ness. I called T to let him know what I was feeling and asked if he would just leave me a return message letting me know he got my message. I didn't ask for a return call because I know how busy he is on Fridays and it truly wasn't an emergency.

When I left work and turned on my phone there was no message.
I didn't know quite what to do. I was feeling very isolated all of a sudden. Then I realized it was my parent's 60th wedding anniversary. They are both gone now but I realized the genesis of these lonely feelings along with the content of yesterday's session. I called T again and told him what I remembered and that if he could simply call back this afternoon or tomorrow morning, it would mean a lot and give me something to hold onto, as I battle this loneliness.

But when I got in the house I turned off my phone so I wouldn't be anxiously awaiting for it to ring. I wanted to protect myself from the disappointment that accompanies a non response. About four hours later I turned the phone on and no message.

Sigh. No call back yet.