I can realte to your post on so many points. I do go out to go to work. I grocery shop and do any necessary errands on the way home. I procrastinate a lot. I feel as if I don't belong 'out there', I feel undeserving, that no one wants me out there, and that everyone knows this. It feels dangerous to me, as if something is lurking out there. Like you, when I can get out I sometimes think it is just fine and I wonder why I don't get out more. Going out for fun? What's that??!

Sometimes when I get out, it feels grounding to me. I think I'm feeling the reality and it feels good and it contrasts with the fears I have when I think about doing it. Sometimes I can push myself to "just do it" by remembering that when I get out it usually feels good or okay.

One thing I do go out for is my therapy. Twice a week I see my wonderful therapist who will listen to me talk about these fears, who helps me explore them and look at them more closely. I feel so much better than I did when I began seeing her a year and a half ago. At that time I was sometimes not able to make myself go to work and I very rarely went out at all.

I hope you will consider adding a therapist to your life.