Its 2am here where i am.. spending some time thinking over as many of the sub-plots and main plots and overviews as i can imagine.. several things come to mind.. please forgive me if i offend anyone here, this all relates to real life..

each day i wake to a morning of hope that comes trimmed in shadows of dark memories..

each day i wake to promise and sounds and lights of a new opportunity to find peace of mind and the missing parts of my past.. the kindness that went underground as we all became harder, tougher, more resilient, more disconnected..

for years i struggled against dark thinking and observed as others within my society pursued dysfunctional escape methods..

for years i joined them, not feeling strong enough to resist and after several years found myself at the inevitable bottom we all do when we stop trying to do good things for ourselves..

for years ive watched my society practice poor health choices, myself being a leader in the ways of self injury and dead end rounds...

for years ive felt pain as my social atmosphere became colder, harsher, less caring and apathetic...

for years ive felt the pain of helplessness and let myself spiral into degradation and self destruction...

why did i survive? i could have been taken so many times, so many ways and i was spared again and again, brought back to the surface to where the lights were so bright i raced away again to the protection of darkness and success by way of failure...

had i chosen to be a victim? certainly there are supportive groups for those of us struggling... a helping hand is offered in hope over and over again and it always amazes me that the door to the light remains open for us at all times if we can see...

for years i watch the progress of darkness on my society and see its advancement and bear witness to the lure of the downspin... easy fun and passing joy at the expense of freedom and hope doesnt heal any of us...

i stand at this crossroads and see what the downtrodden have contributed towards, been pawns of and shake my head at the determination of those who choose ill health...

in time we will rise again, but because of past poor health choices we now must suffer to feel good again.. it saddens me that we have all come to this and that it is often ourselves who stand in the way of our very own progress...

if you are alone and suffering tonight, make the turn to better health.. the way to possess health, is to first decide to be healthy....

sending best wishes for all..