Wow, thanks guys. I went to bed so early last night--more protection? Or just rest after a stressful week? Or the fatigue of working through the feelings of isolation and abandonment? I'm not sure, probably all of the above.

Mouse, yes I tend to agree--accepting T's limitations is part of this. The connection is wonderful, but ultimately it is T. I challenge myself to know it is okay to be attached to him--that this is healing. And it always goes back to the abandonment. Sigh.

The hardest part of all of this was calling him the second time. I was so afraid to do that. But he has encouraged me to try him a second time if I need him and so I took him on his word. It felt very very risky. I was really nervous.

After I had my first cup of coffee I turned on my phone. There was a message from him left last night. He told me he had received my message, was sorry he didn't get back to me sooner--that it was a busy day yesterday. He thanked me for leaving the second message. He left a time when I could reach him today if I need him and encouraged me to enjoy the weekend.

You know, I really don't have to call him later. I left another message thanking him for his response and letting him know how meaningful it was to me.

It really is so hard. I guess this is feeling.