Yeah, I've imagined this. I think it's pretty normal to think that way when you think about not being here. My therapist always reminds me of the statistics of suicide of a teenager when their parent commits it. I say like she'd be better off w/o me, but how can I really know that. I can't read her mind. I can't look into the future. I don't know what her life would be like if I wasn't here. How do I know what's best for her? What would she say to her friends about why her mom died? What would she tell grandkids?
This is just basically one example of how I'm talked out of destroying myself.
The opposite of destroy is to create. Create something today. Build a new friendship, improve the one you have, create fun and make plans to go to the drive-in or play yahtzee. Enroll in a class for fun only.
Take care of you,