Quote:
Originally Posted by sunrise
Before I began therapy I thought of myself as being really strong. It was one of the only good things I could say about myself. Now, I'm not so sure I am strong. I think maybe T sees me as not strong. I don't know. He has said several times my legal team views me as very fragile, and that is so opposite of how I have viewed myself. I don't know what to make of that.
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I can relate to this SO much. Before therapy, my friends were CONSTANTLY holding me up as an example of someone who was really strong, had it all together, could handle any thing life threw at me. On one level I DID feel really strong, but there was this little voice inside of me that knew that my friends (and I) weren't really seeing the real me.
I think that my friends do see me as much more fragile now - at least the friends who know what is going on with me in therapy. It's hard to give up that "strong" persona...REALLY HARD...that's what kept me from going to the hospital when T wanted me to go a few weeks ago...it would be the ultimate admission of "I'm not strong".
But like sunny said, I think I am getting more in touch with my authentic Self. And she doesn't have to be strong all the time. She's been hurt, things have happened, and it just is what it is. There ARE parts of me that are fragile, and they are finally being cared for. It hurts, and it's part of probably what makes me feel like therapy sometimes makes me "worse" instead of "better" but that's just a judgement. Probably what therapy is doing is making me more "real", and in the end, I think that is what I want...and is a good thing.
