To bring joy to others. To help others. To allow others to help you. To grow. To feel pain. To feel joy. To learn. To teach. To experience. To lead. To follow. To give your heart away. To have your heart broken. To walk a hard path. To find true love. To have pure joy. Remember: It'll be ok in the end...if it's not ok, it's not the end. I believe someone here has their signature as the same thing I have for my personal email: If you want to see the rainbow, you have to live through the rain.

You are here for all those reason listed above and more. When you are feeling so bad, list all of the positives that you've experienced in the past three months. Yep, I know, the past three months have been bad--really bad. But not all bad. I can list 5 --for you-- and I don't live your life.

One of things that people will terminal illness will tell you is that acceptance and true living in the face of death cannot happen until you stop asking why. If it can happen for people facing death, then the same is true for the rest of facing adversity and illness. You can be happy, you can move forward, you can put J's memory where it belongs--in a special place in your heart where you can pull it out and laugh and cry at some point--but only once you decide to use the tools that have been given to you (both physical, such as your medication, and emotional such as your inner strength and determination). Maybe the only answer to why is because these heartaches are shaping you for who you will be at the end of your life. Live it now, experience it and don't waste time wondering why.