When I read your 1st post, I had to double check who wrote it cause those could have been my words...at different times in my life, and each time I have come out of it and been happy that I did. There were sometimes when I would not leave the house because I could not trust myself enough not to throw myself in front of a bus ,truck or metro. I am here to tell you that there have also been some good times once I came out of my depression. I take meds...I don't mind because as far as I am concerned ,they keep me alive and reasonably content. There are times when my depression sneaks through the cracks of my consciousness, so I up the meds a bit for awhile until I stabilize again. I am getting to recognize my own red flags and I'm trying to pay attention to them. Sometimes you have to try a few different types of meds before you find the right one for you, it is worth the effort, because you don't know what the future can hold for you...you may snuff yourself out before the best thing in the world could happen to you. Hold on and tighten your seatbelt during the bumpy parts, cause ya never know who or what is around that cornor. Courage to you, you can make it through this time in your life.