I don't know what it means and I hope I don't pet you in the process. I read your post because I have felt this way before . It did pass at one time and then came back again. I know I have the disease of addiction and think sometimes that my disease is talking to me and entincing me to use . Trying to convince me to do it again. I try to remember that a thought is just a thought and a feeling is just a feeling and I have to distract myself long enough to not give in to it. Only my actions matter. I doubt this makes much sense to you, but sometimes when we write down or type down our thoughts things appear that were once unseen.