Stefano: thanks!Its nice to know Im not the only one who feels invisible, i was beginning to think maybe I was losing my mind in feeling like that...

Minime: Thanks for the kind words! You can come visit anytime! LOL...but its hard to think of better days when everything/everyday is just never right. And no one comes. No one has come, ever. Its just starting to get to me. I need to look at how I look at me? Well ,I i look at myself in a negative light all the time. I always have, but it stems from how I grew up i guess. I know that I do that, and I need to stop but it's hard to do stop it when I've been conditioned for so long to feeling irrelevant and invisible unless I was being screamed at to do something or having my feelings shot down or told my thoughts or ideas or opinions were wrong or dumb. I know that I am a good person. Im patient (extremely), i love to help people. But the negative over shadow the positive...I dont know im just so lost.

Gimmeice: Hope you had a good weekend! Thanks for your kind words. Again, it's nice to know Im not alone. I just hate feeling like this. I feel like I have been this way for so long. Im scared I will be like this forever. And the thought of being this way forever terrifies me and makes me think dont want to be this way forever....

Oneinleftfield: Thanks! I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, I took one of those intake surveys and the behavioral health company affiliate with my insurance company contacted me and wanted discuss other resources available to me(i received a letter in the mail. I missed their call I guess). I am seeing a T, and she is advising medication. My thing with that is i have body image issues and I know some medications cause weight gain...

Yea with the holidays coming around, I just don't want to go to any of the functions. I will prob end up staying at home alone for turkey day. As much as I hate being alone, I just dont want to deal with it. i I used to LOVE the holidays. It was the one time of the year my family was some semblance of a family and I loved going to the functions. Now, I feel like such a failure as it is and then I get around my family and it makes it worse. When they ask what's going on with my life and work etc. I dont have much to say. I am working and trying live. I dont have an exciting job--im not a vp or exec, I am not having kids or getting married (at least not yet anyways), I dont own a home and probably won't for a while, I havent traveled anywhere exotic or done something extraordinary. Then they wanna know if I am going back to school etc. The answers are usually brief and obviously this isn't interesting enough so they end up finding someone else to talk to. Im just completely different from them. Deep in my mind I am secure with getting by. All I want to do is be happy and I can't even get the right...sigh. Im an absolute disaster LOL.

And it's hard making new friends at 25 almost 26.Plus I have social anxiety, which doesnt make it any better. My friends are good people and I am blessed to have them, especially since i havent been much of a good friend, as i havent really spent time with them in almost a year. They have every right to break up with me and I couldnt and wouldnt even be mad at them.. But when I finally make an effort they cancel on me TWICE.... I guess Im not upset that she bailed on me. I kind of expected it. I am starting to think something is wrong with me. Maybe something everyone else sees but me? I dont know. I just want to run away or go to sleep and never wake up.

**Sigh...I feel like i just completely complained here--I hate it when I do that, sorry. I tend to apologize a lot. I dont know why I do it. Sorry...**