Thanks Skeeweeaka Honestly, I try to be positive all the time. It's a mask I wear. I just can't bring myself to talk to anyone about my problems, mainly because i dont have anyone who really cares. Plus I dont particularly like talking about myself. I am currently seeing a T and it's excruciating for me to sit there and talk about myself. I hate it. I come on PC and do it because I guess I feel safe here to vent.

My family is a whole other issue. They are no fun to be around for me. I feel about the size of an ant around them. As each year goes by the smaller and smaller I feel. It's just not comfortable for me. It's painful too sit around and watch everyone happy and successful in life--gushing over their children and fabulous jobs, how so and so is at an ivy league school pursuing a masters, watching my mom gush over my two older sisters and say nothing about me. And then having them ask me about myself. It's embarassing. I just dont want witness it this year. I dont know.