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but why.....and after all i've been through why God not takes me back so i can be safe

hi again, prue,
i was hoping you'd still be watching your initial post. i have a thought about all of this going on with you. it may sound far out but i will give it a try...sometimes i believe God uses people as a "vessel", meaning through you good things will result. perhaps your experiences that you have today will enable you some day to reach out and help another person that is experiencing the same feelings as you are now. of course that means that first you must get help and get through this depression. i know it is very difficult to even think what i've suggested is possible at this time in your life. but look at what others here on this forum have done to support you right now. Perhaps they can do this because they have gone through that very same low and have reached out for help and gotten stronger.
i hope the things you hear here will give you hope. even if it's the size of a mustard seed that is a good beginning. hugs.