I don't consider myself to have a problem with substance abuse, though others around me beg to differ. I tend to gravitate towards alcohol and/or drugs to make me feel better or feel nothing at all. I use alcohol to make me feel better (my substance of choice) or weed or hydrocodone or codeine(when I have access to it) to numb it all out. I don't do this on a regular basis. In fact I try to stay away from it, but sometimes I just can't. I feel bad because i have recently started taking hydrocodone frequently (over last two weeks everyday--i don't usually take them, but have in the past). I also have started drinking again. I used to drink heavily and the only reason why I stopped was because i moved back in with my parents and I didn't want to disrespect them or their home by drinking. I was sober for about a year...well no that's a lie, now that I am remembering, I would drink outside of the house, BUT I have cut it down quite a bit...until recently. I guess I am trying to figure out where that line is...I guess I can say that I don't need it to get me through my day to day life....

I don't think I have a problem, but I don't want it to be one. I have started therapy, but I haven't told her about my propensity towards hydrocodone or codeine or weed, however, she does know about the alcohol. I have gone through the last couple of sessions heavy with guilt for not telling her, but I dont want her to think I have a problem with it.

I don't expect anyone to reply to this, this is just the first time I have actually considered the idea that this could potentially end up being a problem and that maybe I need to do something about it...