My anniv is the 24th so its not here yet - I guess im in a dark place at the moment - had a hissyfit at work - boss took down the pics we had on our lockers - only dumb things we had put on each others lockers to make us smile - things like "only my cat understands me" someone had put- one flew over the cuckoos nest on mine that always made me smile - and i had a ribbon put on my locker from a guy that died suddenly two weeks afterwards - i always felt safe working with him - he was a really nice genuine guy and a good friend - and my boss had screwed it up and thrown it in the bin - I lost it! - went to her office and told her i wanted it back - I must have looked like a real idiot - i was standing there saying he's dead how do i get another one - he s dead - she must have thought i was nuts -i had to leave the ward for a while to calm down because i had tears rolling down my face - i went through the rubbish and got it back but now all it reminds me of is how upset i was - my place looks like a tip and i dont have the motivation to do anything all i want to do is curl up somewhere and make the world go away - and i seem to be on the edge of tears all the time - bet you're sorry you asked ha ha it's only 6 days to go - i just wish it was over - take care P7