Hi DN,
I know you've been going through this for a long time. I haven't posted in this forum for a long time either, but when I first started to, yours was one of the stories I related to and followed closely. I have, unfortunately (I don't know when, but I hope someday I will be able to say "fortunately"), moved to the Divorce and Separation sub-forum, as that is where I belong now. For me, there is no more relationship to be communicating about. I remember when you were considering moving out for a time. Around that time, I was also thinking about what might be the best solution for me. I had met a lot of people who had been "separated for a year" and then got back together. I held on to that fantasy for about a day. Then something happened - it wasn't just "the last straw" it was more like the last giant redwood tree. Not only was my husband still engaging in the lies and deceit, to me, to the women he kept on seeking out and meeting online, and in person, and to our couples therapist, but when I caught him and called him on it in an open and honest way he told me he wasn't coming home. And he hasn't been home since. That was the 2nd day of school for my son - preschool - first school experience ever. That was 4 days before his 3 yr birthday.

I think that a separation for you is important. You have been beating yourself up over this for a long time. I read in so many posts here, that if someone truly wants to change, they can change. I don't suggest using it as a threat, but if your wife honestly wants to change because she knows how lucky she is to have you, then maybe she'll realize it and really do what she needs to do while you're away.

I agree with others that you should keep in touch with the kids. Don't let them feel abandoned. I know you won't. Give it some time, but be true to yourself, too. Give yourself a chance to see if you can be happy out of this situation, or if you believe this situation can improve. Sending hopeful thoughts your way. A.