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Wanted to thank those who responded to my thoughts.
I'm in a better place today. God has led me to some readings that are showing me why I often end up running on empty.
For most of my life I have sought security by being distant and uninvolved emotionally. I built a wall of distrust to protect myself when I was a child living in an abusive situation. It was a neccessary coping mechanism at the time. But I've had a horrible time letting it go when it's no longer needed.
I now have safe and caring people in my life who would like to be there for me. When I am brave enough to be vulnerable with them and they give empathy, comfort, understanding and reassurance, the basic needs we all have, I have a terrible time receiving it, letting it in to make me feel better. My receiver seems broken.
A part of me is so afraid to trust them, to trust that it won't be taken away or that it comes without strings. I can't seem to just embrace what was so freely given. I decided years ago to settle for NOT getting me needs met, it seemed safer. But that coping mechanism is crippling and draining me
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I'm grateful to know that if God is showing this then He will also provide the way to fix it. I am embracing the empathy and understanding you all extended to me. thank you.
Judy
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However confused the scene of our life appears, however torn we may be who now do face that scene, it can be faced, and we can go on to be whole.
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