i feel like i'm paralyzed.

ok. so the deal is this:

i've been dating my bf for well over a year now. we live together. we've had several discussions about this, but every time i see him talking to a girl on the internet i get all paranoid and jealous. especially when he always is on the computer, and rushes to see if a download has completed (he just got a new hard drive lol, is enthusiastically filling it)...

but i think "he would rather talk to her, omg, what do i do"

and every time i see a messenger window i get jealous because he is anxiously checking out if there's a new message. i know he's working out some booking stuff (he's a musician) with a lady who has a club, and this is something he is really looking forward to because he's finally getting the attention he deserves.

ok, i make it sound like he's treating me bad.

it's not like he doesn't give me attention. he does, but every time he lets go, i feel bad.

like i said, we've discussed this many times. i have completely let my guard down, even though i didn't want to. it's like every time he goes away, or goes online, everything he said fades away.

i'm just wondering if there's anything i can do to calm myself? i'm not working with a therapist, just seeing a psych nurse. actually, i just had my first appointment today after moving in with him.

basically i'm not just jealous of his friends, or those girls he talks to, i'm jealous of him too. ok - that is a self-esteem issue, that should be left for the self-esteem forum.

it's just that... these past few weeks, i've fooled myself into thinking that i am ok with myself. i'm not. i'm most certainly not.

thanks for listening & any advice is welcome.

twilight