I have read several of your stories. I can relate. I am too but Im in recovery and its going well. Its very hard at first like any addiction, but we should talk further, I coud possible help you with some issuse. Remember , its like any other addiction dont be ashamed of it, it causes emptiness, its very dangerous, you can die from it, you have to hide it .(the secerts) the lies.self loathing, the high from it. Ive been there I no.