In case you all don't remember I love chocolate. I crave chocolate and I always tell people the good things I find out about chocolate so that I can be justified in eating chocolate and free others to eat it as well. So here it is...

I went to therapy today and reported to my T that I have been tremendously stable for the last few weeks. Yeah, I have had my ups and downs but none of those desperate lows or extreme highs that I normally have. This is in the middle of a whole lot of things going on at work and at home. So I have been trying to figure out why things are so calm in my inner landscape.

I know I have improved my communications skills. I have reached out and talked to people--mostly you all--when something is stressful BEFORE it gets to the overwhelming stage. I have made several major insights in the last few weeks. One of which is that I can trust myself to take care of myself. When I came to the thought it was like a big burden lifted off my shoulders. It is weird to think that all this time in therapy it has been about me learning to trust other people but in reality the one person I really needed to learn to trust was myself. But what has caused this new stuff to come to light in the midst of turmoil that would normally send me over the edge.

I think it is chocolate. Hang with me here. About three weeks ago I set up an alter in my living room to celebrate the autumn equinox. On the alter I had a cornacopia. Instead of putting decorative gourds and things in it I decided to put things in it that we would enjoy. Chocolate. We, as a family, would go through a bag of candy a day sometimes...me mostly. Every time the cornacopia ran low I would go get some other type of chocolate to replenish it. Now that the equinox is over I have taken the cornucopia off in preperation for the Samhain decorations. Suddenly I have been craving chocolate soy milk. That is good stuff by the way, mmmm.

So anyway...as my T and I are discussing the possible reasons for the stablization of mood and lack of self inficted injury (this has been the longest stretch of not hurting myself ever) I realized that my stable mood coincides with my chocolate binging. I just find it interesting. Even though my hubby and I had a big fight today I still feel ok. I can see the ******** and I have been able to not take the blame for it...I did say sorry out of habit for getting pissy...but I realized that my anger, which I realized was anger as opposed to frustration, was well founded and when my hubby threw a tizzy fit I didn't get upset about it and get all freaky. This was a major deal. When I was heading home from my T session after talking about all this I just had to stop off at the store and get more chocolate soy milk.

So what do you think? Is it the chocolate?
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson