I've been thinking about something since I left my T yesterday afternoon. It is my utter inability to find what happened to me (pick an abuse, it happened to me as a kid) horrible. "Normal" people are appalled and wonder how I can talk about such things so matter of factly. Is it a self esteem issue, that I can't think that way? Is it feeling like I don't deserve to be treated better? Is it that I know people who were treated WORSE and so don't think anything of what happened to me? (I do have a couple of friends who fall in that category.) I mean, if someone sat there and told me the things I have to tell, I'd be horrified, and feel awful for them. But I have a complete lack of emotion surrounding it for myself.

While I was in the ha-ha house in November, in one group we were talking about anger, and I told the group about having to get in between my parents because they had knives at each other's throats. People literally gasped. It completely freaked them out. To me? Eh. I don't see the horror. It always surprises me when somebody else does.

Am I just weird, or is there some dusty psychological theory that explains this? :-) Or is it just an extreme case of dissociation? I dunno. It kind of bothers me, though. My T kept trying to tell me that I was innocent and had things taken away from me that I shouldn't have, and while rationally I believe him, emotionally I'm just, "yeah, whatever." I can get furious on anyone else's behalf but my own.

So whatup with this, do you think?

Candy