hi maymie,
i read what you wrote (and also lenny). sorry you are having problems with your mom. i have to agree with lenny, you can't change your mom's approach to things or who she is.
HOWEVER, you can approach her differently on this painful topic.
you might ask her if you could see your bills even tho she is paying for them. like, "i'm interested in knowing how much i owe on that. ..and mom, i do appreciate your helping me with this."
can you approach your mom about how her comments make you feel? if you are willing to make a go of it, you might tell her that it's difficult to rely on someone else and when she says those things it makes you feel....well you can put in the answer to that. if we talk about how we feel, rather than blaming (not suggesting you do the blaming), sometimes the listener listens to what we are saying because they do not feeling threatened by the discussion. this usually requires a person to pause when we express how we feel.
another thought is since your mom is commenting so much about what she is paying for, you could ask her if this creates a burden on her financially and if so, how could you help? you might not be able to help out but it shows her that you are concerned. (you may feel a little hypocritical here but she doesn't know what you've posted to us.) maybe she just needs a big fuss made over her cause she's stressed or something.
there's an old saying that "you get more bees with honey than you do vinegar." trying that "sweet" approach might open up the door to a healthy discussion.
as for her response "well I'd think you'd agree with me. I am helping you pay for stuff." well you're entitled to your own opinions to things! it sounds like she feels she can control you cause she helps you. just for the record in my book, that does not give anyone license to hold stuff over people's heads.
you can't change her but hopefully you can try a new approach to this real dilemma with your mom. if nothing else it offers you some self dignity. you deserve that.