Hello Will Moe -- I reread your first post several times after reading this one.

Several things occurred to me as I read these. First, a lot of idealizing of Erin seems to be going on. Because you do not have much contact with Erin, she remains an idealized image for you. Much in the same way that James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, and Princess Di will always remain highly idealized images of youth and beauty in the the public conscious. No real relationship can compete with this idealization, because stuff happens in relationships that requires us to grow and cope.

Second, I noticed that you identify yourself as being in Chicagoland. That's a big old world out there. Life doesn't end at the boundaries of your campus. Perhaps you would find more young women who meet your ideal if you became involved in a large, conservate congregation that offers a lot of different kind of activities, especially youth-oriented activities, during the week.

I do understand that college is, in itself, very demanding, so you probably have time constraints on how active you can be in outside activities.

Best wishes for healing and finding other young women to be involved with.