Hi everyone,

sorry for not being around for a week or so.. I've been in hospital after taking a pretty serious od on Monday. I only got back last night and I'm so weak and tired and sick.

Got home and haven't had a single chance to get my head sorted, to make myself feel better.. I had my boyfriend and his Mum on my back straight away and all day today as well and had to see the crisis team yesterdayt and today. They were going to take me to Yeovil hospital, the psych ward. But after coming home and breaking down to Katie, a worker here, and breaking down again after they said that, I'm on suicide watch at home, having security phoning me every hour to make sure I'm ok and still alive etc. and staff phoning me in the morning. And keeping an eye on me.

The only reason I broke down to Katie was because she smiled and said "are you okay now?" but at the same time looked sad to see me in such a sorry state.. And because she works with people who self harm and I just felt so horrible, sad, depressed, weak, tired.. Worn out and just so violated in the way that everyone just bombarded me with questions about it when I hadn't even been able to think about it in my own head, let alone help them to understand it.. Blubbering to Katie about it helped, I made no sense at all but we soon made sense out of it and it just made it so much easier. *sigh*

I'm going to be going into college tomorrow after only one day for recovery , so I'm quite uneasy because I'm still wobbly on my feet and very sensitive. I was told by staff at the hospital not to go to college, but I feel the need to go just to show my face and catch up on any work that I'vemissed this week, which I'm sure there'll be lots of.

I found out that Kat (my tutor) has put me on a disciplinary without even telling me, because I've not handed in an assignment that was due in on Tuesday. How could I have handed it in if I was in hospital? I will admit that I've not finished the assignment, but I did speak to her about that.

So, I'm pretty much terrified about going to college tomorrow, but since the crisis team have got involved, they'll be bringing me to college to make sure I don't carry out anymore of my plans and to make sure that I'm ok. I should be getting written permission to leave college if I feel too uneasy/weak or have any panic attacks etc.

Anyway, I'm tired! (after 3 nights of no sleep that's hardly surprising), so I'm off to bed. Night everyone