I went to the PA today and had my annual physical. I told her about the depression, lack of energy and fatigue. She is having quite a few tests run to make sure there's nothing lurking that is causing all of this. She also suggested that I use my CPAP machine again for sleep apnea (I was so depressed that I stopped using it). I was there for at least an hour and she spent a lot of time talking to me, asking questions and trying to do her best to help me with all of this. I told her that I'm in therapy, going to DBT group and contacting my T daily by email right now. We talked about the weight I've gained and that I'm trying to eat better and get some exercise. She said that it's not easy to figure out what is causing what, but the testing can at least rule out some issues. I almost didn't go for my appointment because of how down I feel, but I was able to get myself there and I'm glad that I did. It was nice to have someone else to talk to and I feel better having all the tests being run.

I have been awake all day so far. That's a big accomplishment for me. And I actually have a plan for dinner. I have DBT group tonight and I'll have to get myself motivated to go there. I love group and always learn something when I'm there. I just lack motivation right now.

A couple of other issues that PA and I talked about are my PTSD about driving in bad weather (there were snowflakes today, nothing sticking though) and how the shorter days effect me negatively. I told her that I would work with T on these issues using DBT skills that I'm learning.

So I'm going to start using the CPAP agian, wait for the test results (3-4 weeks) and continue therapy and group. Today I have some hope that I can deal with this no matter what the cause. It still stinks to be so depressed, but at least I feel some hope today.