Quote:
Originally Posted by very_confused
Hello,
I am new here. I think I have a problem. I'm very disturbed by society, by people, by everything around me. I don't mean for this to be a diatribe; I only want to explain my dismay. I feel very out of place, like I shouldn't be here. I often wish that there were a place to be brainwashed, or that we were all brainwashed institutionally so we could all agree. I think people find me very intimidating, as I don't smile a whole lot. I do not remember a lot of my childhood. My current life is a bit hectic.
I have very little faith in therapy for myself, because I know that there is such a volume of history behind me, and in every person, that we have all experienced, and I could show or reveal one part while concealing the rest to make the diagnosis go as I want... The questions asked of me are not subtle enough that I don't see through them, and it is no longer accurate.
Somehow, I am compelled that finding a significant other would satisfy me, as they would be a person I could open up with (I know this expectation is a bit unrealistic, but it is desirable nonetheless). Ironically, I am very anxious about talking with women. Most of my friends do not bring girls or their girlfriends around, and I am very apprehensive about approaching women I do not know, as I feel they assume the worst (I know I would if I were accosted or interrupted).
There are too many particular facets of society that I find confusing or otherwise nonsensical to list economically, though it has been described by a friend that it does not seem like I want to be human, but a machine. I agree that being a machine would significantly facilitate life (if not in fact negate it and its hardships!), but I fear too much discipline. I don't know.
What do I do? What can I do?
Sincerely,
Me
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Hi, and welcome. I'm sorry that your struggling with so much and having no one to understand you in "real life". I can certainly comprehend a lot of what your saying though. I've been confused with society for most of my youth--until I stopped caring about trying to understand society and started trying to understand myself.
I see no benefit to being a machine. To be a machine implies that you would have to be created by man---I don't think machines have discipline, or feelings, or anything--they don't exist as anything other than hardware controlled, created by, and used exclusively by humans for our benefit. That said, I'm sure you'd agree that there is no advantage to being a machine.
Okay, with therapy--- it's a step process. Therapists who reach to deep, too far, too fast, without showing their trustworthiness are pretty useless. If you've not found one that you feel like you could share with in the past, it's likely because you didn't stay with them long enough and/or only told them what you wanted them to believe. As you know, it's not helpful to you to see therapists if your not willing to work with them about your real problems. However, it's perfectly understandable if you were
forced into therapy, and/or didn't like your therapist.
Consider starting fresh. Your past doesn't have to dictate your future.
Don't give up.