I'm just sitting here having one of my crying, I'm not worth anything moments. They seem to happen more and more. I wish I could just shut down and let life pass me by. The only thing is I have a husband and two kids that just will not let me. I know I'm a bad wife and mother, the days I'm not working I mostly sleep, eat junk, or watch TV. Real useful huh? I want to have energy, not be in pain, and just stop feeling tired all the time. I keep telling myself tomorrow I'll do better but it always stays the same. I am afraid one day my husband will come home and say I've had enough leave. I take meds but nothing seems to help. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. What does it take to stop the cycle of guilt and self loathing? I always feel so tired but a lot of nights like tonight I can't shut my mind off and it tortures me.