I don't have any real friends, no one calls unless they want something and I try so hard to be friendly and help people out. Maybe I try to hard. I have always had problems making friends. Maybe they just get tired of being around someone who always complains. I can't seem to shut up I can just meet someone and tell them my life history and I guess they think I'm crazy. I just want a friend that will call to see how I'm doing or stop by and visit sometimes. Maybe go to a movie or something. I listen to people I think are my friends talk about doing things with their other friends but I'm never included. Even my own family doesn't bother. The only real friend I've had in my life is my mother and she's getting older and sicker and when the day she dies eventually comes I feel I'll be lost in the world with no one who cares if I live or die. My husband tries so hard but I don't think he really understands that I can't just snap out of the way I feel. He thinks I should just set my mind to being happy and I will be. If only it were that easy. I'm stuck in a vicious cycle of guilt and not changing. I feel guilty for not being a better wife and mother but I still can't make myself change. Then I sit and feel sorry for myself and then I feel guilty for it. Does it ever end without dying?