All week I have been thinking about this. Sorta tryed to put it
outta my head. I guess its still in there. Prolly its one of things
that never really leaves.
It will in time get better I would think. Some years are worse than others.
I keep saying I forgot it was Thanksgiving coming. But i have not
forgot. Not at all. The kids and I sorta of ignore it.
The last year I had with my parents, Thanksgiving that is. My cousins
had made me dinner to take to them. They knew I was over my head
with my parents. Taking care of them and 2 children. Also driving 3
hours to get there. Back and forth like a yo yo....
But i was so happy to still have them. Even with all that had gone on
in my life I was so grateful. As my moms Dr had given me a time frame
on my moms passing.
It was so hard as not only was she dieing , but she was drinking
herself there faster.My Dad too. My sister too was trying real hard at
that...and more...
The last Thanksgiving I had with them. My Mom went to sleep in her
plate. Boy was that hard to explain to my Kids. As i did not drink.
Its the memory thats stuck there.
For my Kids and I.
After that my aunt passed right before Thanksgiving. A few years
later. My best friends daughter got the news she had cancer right
before thanksgiving too.
The following year.Her husband was killed in Iraq the day before Thanks giving.
Some wheres in one of those years The real Muffy ((my dog)) passed
on the day before Thanksgiving.
And then My sister was baker acted the weekend of Thanksgiving. She
thank god called me. Before trying to harm herself. I am very blessed
she made that call.....
For that there was A big thanks. That for sure is a
Thanksgiving...................................
Thank god for the phone...as i was able to call the girl across the
street from her and stay with my sister till the ambulance came..
This was starting out as A PTSD post and then I reliazed I am grateful
for the phone and I have my Sister even thou there are still big
isses...
So i guess thanksgiving is not about the dinner...or the turkey...or
how many family members you have ....its that one grateful moment..
That moment I did not turn her away................and that she knew
she could call me no matter what...
So now that I wrote this out maybe Thanksgiving is not so bad...
thank you for listening...it still makes me sad thou.......that is the truth
i do miss them all of them.......
muffy