I thought I was getting better, people had noticed a difference, I'd been happy and spending time with people.

But thats just while I'm distracted. Any other time I feel utterly crap. I feel like a complete failiure. I know my family and friends love me, but I feel they can do fine without me. I feel worthless and all my effort is pointless cos I'll never make it in life. I can't get a job, I can't get decent grades, despite 'getting better'. And to be honest, lately i've been thinking about suicide. Painkillers are being collected in my room. I dunno what to do. I know I'd never be strong enough to do it, but they bring me comfort, that if I keep collectign I could do it if I needed. But then again, there was a time I never thoughts I could cut either. I don't want to tell anyone about them. They'll make me get rid of them. We thought I was getting better! I dont want to tell anyone. They'll be so dissapointed in me and they'll make me get rid of the painkillers. I dont want to tell anyone, mot my mum, my friends or my keyworker. But I probably should. I just cant. I cant even tell my dad I'm depressed or my mum that I've self harmed. This is just too much. Maybe I'm just doign this cos I think I'll be more likely to be put on anti-depressants? And easy way out, happy without trying. I dunno what I try for anymore. In 2 years my friends will be going to uni, so will I if I get accepted, I'll move out of home. I don;t want to be alone again It's breaking me.