((((((((((Kebs))))))))))
You keep trying because you are a wonderful person who doesn't want to let their family down. Family that (if they're anything like mine) have probably let you down before.
But you know what I've come to realise? Not everyone is going to understand.. and it sucks, it really does because sometimes you just want your family there to hold you and tell you everything is going to be ok. But just because they maybe don't understand, doesn't make *you* a bad or messed up person... it's THEM that can't wrap their heads around how much you take on, and therefore, you can't place the blame on yourself.
I've discovered through my life that you will meet people that give you little bits and parts of what you need. That might be other relatives, or it might be friends or co-workers... and what i've learned to do, is embrace those other relationships that I have, gather what I need from those people, and draw strength from within. The good you see in other people are reflections of yourself... so whenever you have someone happy to see you, or give you a big smile or ask how your day is going... its because they care, and they recognize the beauty that is in your heart, even at times when you may believe there isn't anything pure in there. But there is.
I hope that you're feeling better soon... I'm always hear if you ever need to talk