Good for you for knowing you are not a bad person, for knowing you have issues and knowing that even your "bad" issues do not make you a bad person, and for realizing that everything is not your fault. Those are hard things for a lot of people to realize. You say why cannot anyone love you but then say you get along with everyone but him....so really it's why can't the one man that says he loves you and is married to you treat you kind and decent and respectful....right? You hit it on the head when you said it takes two to make a marriage work. Respect is a big, big thing and it sounds like it's missing from your marriage--I'm sorry for that. I will sit and hold you.