Leslie, understanding your fears like these is the first step, good work! Now to just reassure yourself that you will not allow yourself to regress and that you are strong enough to change any situation that is not healthy for you. I know that you can do it! The scariest part is when you don't know what is going on with yourself, when you don't understand the fears that your subconscious is very aware of. You just figured out these and I have seen you figure out others and you will continue to figure them out .......