Molly, don't stop posting. Meds are offered as way to help because depression is a chemical imbalance. If you are dead-set against meds and will never try them, then you have to start looking at alternative ways...have you considered accupuncture? CBT is a wonderful tool to keep with you and you succeeded at that by telling yourself you are safe. It's a long process and hard to remember to use, as in when your dad was yelling at you. I apologize for urging you to take your meds...you had kept saying you were going to take them. It's important that your doc know you will not consider any medication; that way she can deliver her care appropriately. You know I care so much about you and I would never withhold clouds, I was only trying to make you smile and failed miserably. I apologize. I wish you wouldn't stop posting here. I hope you have a peaceful day. I'm sorry.