Troy, you deserve every bit of good that is in your life.
Don't doubt yourself, please.
Perhaps trying to change that mantra to
"I'm grateful for these beautiful things in my life." Reword it to suit yourself, but make it one of gratitude.

It's always incredibly hard whenever I'm doing the same thing, so I am no Pollyanna! But I also know if I don't do something to change that mantra that I'm gonna be in a world of hurt.
Troy, you've already taken a first step away from it by posting here. Keep posting and let us know how you are, please?
You are my brother and I care...pm if you'd like.
Cap