im not ready to do rehab, i want to get this under control myself without disrupting my family life and my kids. my dad went through several rehabs when i was a kid i dont want to put my kids through that. they wont understand, i know i didnt. i asked my dad for advice and he said, get it under control and if its controlling you then you need to stop and you need help. theres a but, he said i really dont think you wanna do that its not easy, so get control of your life and try to realise your in a bad spot in life and drinking isnt good for you right now. im not sure if that was good advice but that was the first real conversation ive had with my dad in my life. my father has never talked to me before, not at all as a child, and whenever i tried in adulthood it was impossible. ive actually gone to him for advice in the past. he usually walks away and starts doing work outside. so the fact that he talked to me about that, my past relationship, and my moms cancer was a huge step.