twilight, you've gotten very sound advice and much caring...I hope it helps you.
My 1.5 cents (adjusted for inflation) is suggesting you look into Adult Children of Alcoholics--ACOA. It address the issues that are part of being an ACOA. It can be a way of starting to understand the affects of it. Jme, of course.

I agree with Stefani about it not being safe to show anger, or most any feeling, when I was growing up.
Anger in my family equaled rage and it frightened me what I might be capable of doing...
Yeah, anger management class helped me once I understood there were easier ways of handling it. I say easier because it shrunk my guilt about the way I had been reacting...it empowered me to know I did not have to follow the old ways.