Oh, Sailaway ... I know the feeling. You're tough. You've learned how to box up those memories. Learning about PTSD and its effects now is of great value to you so you know what's going on. I didn't know the cause of my behavior and misbehavior and thought always that I was just out of control.
In a sense I was out of control because PTSD was the controlling factor. But these things I do are not me. I'm here watching them happen just like anyone else would be watching.
Maybe your T. can advise you on what to do when that rage erupts, tell you how to calm yourself and recover from the adrenelin that flows and the freight that accompanies the unexplained anger.
Maybe your T. can help you head off the alcohol and drug addiction that are so attractive in our trying to block memories or redirect our thinking.
Maybe your T. can show you how to reconnect with others, how to learn to trust them, how to let them get close to you, how to avoid cutting off all friendships because being close to someone means more pain for you when they leave or something happens to them.
Maybe your T. can tell you how to remain connected when in conversation with others so you can pay attention to what they are saying and not wondering about things past as they talk on and on about the most inconsequential things.
Maybe your T. can help you avoid the other addictions that are waiting for you just around the corner, things you would declare are impossible today but things that creep into your psyche and try to control you.
Maybe your T. can help you overcome feeling like a creep as you reveal your innermost self to others and tell the secrets that haunt you.
Maybe your T. can help you overcome the feeling of guilt for what you've done and for what has been done to you....and for how you've hurt others either through actions or through mistakes.
Maybe your T. can help you accept it when others think highly of you while you know deep inside that you don't deserved it.
Thank you for your service. *tears
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sailaway
I'm 26 and spent almost two of the last 6 years in Iraq. I also have a past that leaves something to be desired. Therapy is helpful I guess but I think I'm stuck ni that "it gets worse before it gets better" stage. PTSD from combat and abuse although two very different experiences are one in the same. It's a war, a never ending battle to rid your mind of what you can't forget. Those who are weak and those are strong do survive, war has no color lines or racial boundaries. Sometimes surviving the nightmares is harder than anything else. I wake up almost every night from something that my mind won't let me forget.
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