wow i understand exactly what you feel

You see - there is some basic core inside us, of self asteem, that you need to build. Maybe it has to do with all you mother`s "turning the other cheek" values. You need to feel it. I can tell you what happened to me...

I was suffering and panicking over studies in such a way that i couldn`t go to class any more I used to think i was worse that all the others in class etc. Then i unerstood that my first mistake was selling my self asteem to the teachers and students - you know what you worth and you know your abilities and your potential. If you are not successful yet it`s because you have too much stress to allow yourself to think and funciton normaly.

Second - and this is what my the therapist told me - YOUR GRADES ARE NOT YOU!
Maybe you indentify your works and tests and their resolt with yourself too much and that is why you care about it too much. You see every singe test or work you hand in - it may show your current abilities- but even AFTER you have done it - they are now extended. NOW you are more experienced and trianed than b4 you did it! That means that you ALWAYS can do more than you have done in your current work. The question is if you do the maximun. Maybe these resolts that you are not satisfied with do not reflect your real abilities because you are is such a panic or you don`t believe in yourself or you feel ****** so you don`t do all you can. Those works and test don`t reflect ALL you are they just whow what you know on a certain subject that is all.

Abilities are something that extends they are endless anybody can be better and better and better at anything. all it takes is patience and work.

I am convinced you can do well in studeis you just have to relax and concentrate on yourSELF - YOU are the source of your stidues all your actions you life.

Do something fun once a day or once in a few days - something you always loved doing and stopped because you thought you didn`t have time, because you weren`t in the mood. It will change your mood positively and you will see this will make your thinking more clear and fast because your life energy will raise...

I see that your post is entitled "over my life" but all you write is about studies - this was the same with me! i had 3 years of hell - not i am doing the last one. it is much better now and i have muc more fun and much better resolts just because i got my sense of self worth back and because i stopped giving studies so much weight. They are JUST SUTDIES and that`s the end of it. Take them for what they are. They do not define who and what you are, Life has MUCH MORE to do with it than this. I am sure you know people who don`t have the BA and have a very simple job and they ARE happy! isn`t it all that matters in the end? that you are happy and satisfies with life? i don`t say that knowldge is not valuble, i don`t see myself without a BA at least - but seriously - there is much more to life and you better see everything in it`s proportion. that means that even if you are not the best in class yet - you have no reason to doubt your intelligence.

Practice saying it every day:
- I am smart, intelligent, tallanted
- I am a hard working student
- I am successful
- I am good
- I love myself
- i love life

Braishwash yourslef! after a month or so of feeling stupid and unconnected wth the words you will see you start believing in them! and some more time you will see that they BECOME REALITY!

If you have thougths like " smart tallanted ho sure really i am...b.s!" its your mind habbit and they are just old thought that you need to let them out and let them go. we all have bad thoughts about our ablilities...it`s o.k you just need to change your set of beliefes.

If you don`t give yourself encouragment - especially in this snobbish academic world - you can rarely get it. and you need it. you will never do something you believe is beyond your abilities. I know that those proffessors think its beneath them to give a student encouragment and to emphasize his progress. Be yourself. Be free. You will see tat your life will chage. be god to yourself and you will get to fundtion better

good luck