Hi Noidea,
I am the only one awake probably so Im replying just so you know someone is here a made contact. I am not the best one for the feedback you are really looking for except to say I hear you and im letting you know . you will get many usefull opinions as the morning dawns so stay tuned. I do think you dont need to leave her alone nor is it likely you could. But you two need independant help from outside resources for yourselves. When you talk to each other I hope if its email you guys dont put in writing words you will misunderstand and not be able to retract or forgive. You are doing the smart thing to get other impressions on the behavior to help yourselve understand more whats going on.
I hope this will do for now- but also introduce yourself around. OK? Also there ifs a PSTD forum if you are suspect that her behavior is symptomatic of that. Good luck and goodwill.
Kathy